I see . . . ACORNS *GASP*
Lots of them.
IN JULY NO LESS.
We are totally *BLEEPED*.
If you ask “why” then you aint’ from this ‘hood. You see, here on Cape Cod, when acorns rain down from the trees like jimmies on a Steve and Sue’s soft serve twist, we know we are going to be digging out – of snow, that is.
The last time those little, brown arboreal nuggets assaulted our driveways, patios and lawns, we Codders didn’t believe the hype. We moaned (and marveled) at how these friggin hardwoods could produce so many potential offspring. We were sweeping them, SHOVELING THEM, filling entire trash cans with the suckers. The squirrels became so fat that the bluebirds needed to help them into their burrows with a crowbar. Heck, even the chipmunks started to resemble that rotund, singing rodent, Theodore (unfortunately, Capemunks don’t belt out a sampling of pop-tunes – talk about a tourist attraction if they did).
We still, however, didn’t believe.
Then winter hit. People were wondering if the Cape had suddenly been moved to Nome, Alaska. It snowed and snowed AND SNOWED. Understand that Cape Cod doesn’t get a lot of snow and, when it does, it at least melts fairly quickly. Right? RIGHT?
WRONG! It stayed, for months.
In the space of seven days, the town of Bourne racked up nearly 50 INCHES. Garage doors and full-sized pick up trucks disappeared under impromptu Everests. We laughed our butts off at people who thought their 80k Land Rovers could plow through it and had their vanity crushed when they became stuck.
After that winter, we never underestimated fat furry creatures and acorns ever again.
Have no fear however. One can easily stock up on snow shovels and ice melt in another week or so, since Walmart already has out the Halloween section. Using the store’s adjusted calendar, you can have a new slowblower and your Christmas tree or menorah in hand by Labor Day ;)
Take heed fellow beach-bums: THE ACORNS ARE BACK!