All Around the Town: Tales from Bus Driver Hell
It is possible that I have been asked to write a Bombeckesque memoir about being a bus driver at least fifty times. And yes – the tales from the road could fill an encyclopdeia. But I am a professional writer (and driver) and believe it or not, my time is somewhat squeezed. So yes – someday I hope to gather the tales of craziness from my fellow school bus drivers, but for now I will stick with just a few posts from our crazy profession.
So, in honor of BUS DRIVER APPRECIATION DAY (yes – it is real. Go figure), I have culled the Top Ten Things a Driver Never Wants to Hear Again (names have been changed OBVIOUSLY and thankfully, not all are MY BUS but are all REAL). For another great tale, check out an older post about my bus eating the kids.
10. “Bus Driver!! I think NEMO is going to hurl! Ah crap – too late.”
9. “YOU MISSED A STOP!”
8. “Ariel just flung my gum out the window and it hit that passing car in the windshield!”
7. “Holy Sh*t! SULLY just jumped out the back door! What a moron – thank God we’re still at the school!!”
6. “Do you smell something burning?”
5. “Mike just tied Frank’s shoelaces to the seat and now he is STUCK!”
4. “YOU MISSED A STOP! AGAIN!!!!”
3. “OMG! That dude is PEEING in front of his car! LOOK!!!”
2. “I just found a shot-gun casing on my seat. Can I keep it?”
1. “Did you know there is a code blue at the school – RIGHT NOW?”